The Mastery of Self - A Book Review

“The mastery of self is the only mastery that matters.”  ~ Yoda

Browsing Powell’s City of Books, I followed Liz to the section comprised of books on meditation, philosophy, and religion.  Casually scanning the selections, I was drawn to the colorful jacket of this book recognizing it as a companion to The Four Agreements, a book Chuck had read and liked (written by the author's father). The title caught my eye as well, as I’ve been on this path for a very long time yet not feeling as if I was making much progress. I wasn’t seriously considering buying it as it was pretty expensive (in my view) even though a quick look showed me that it would be a worthwhile read.  So… my wise friend quietly spoke, “Remember what Yoda says…” I knew I was being drawn to that book but was resisting… again. So, I grabbed it and made the purchase, fighting my frugal habits.

The mastery of self.  What does that really mean?

Before I begin my summation, I want to lay out the four agreements as a background:

 Be impeccable with your word.

Don’t take anything personally.

Don’t make assumptions.

Always do your best.

I committed myself to work through the exercises with openness and honesty, the goal being to change destructive habits and thought patterns in my life.  I was attracted to what looked like a practical guide as I need help applying what I have been learning. This IS one such book. 

He lays the foundation creating a picture that describes the state of humanity (one giant party where everyone is intoxicated - except you, and no one realizes it - except you) and the individual person’s journey towards lasting personal change, the challenges each of us faces and some practical applications to help on the journey.  If, and that’s a big IF, one is willing to do the hard work of working through the exercises with honesty and diligence, this guide can, indeed, be a game changer.

How do I pull out the essence of such a guide? There is far too much for this small blog post, but I’ll make an attempt to list out the highlights of my take-aways.

The list of terms and definitions at the beginning was very helpful. Some examples:

a.     Personal dream: the unique reality created by every individual; their perspective, a manifestation of the relationship between mind and body, and intent is the energy that animates both.

b.    Dream of the Planet: the manifestation of our shared intentions, where we allow our ideas and agreements to flow between us.

c.     Domestication: the system of control in the Dream of the Planet; the way we learn conditional love.

Some key ideas:

~ You become a Master of Self when you remain your Authentic Self in interacting with others and maintain the awareness that every choice you make is your own.

~ Attachment is taking something that is not part of you and making it so through emotional investment. You lose the ability to detach when the moment ends or when the belief no longer reflects the truth.

~ The Smoky Mirror shaman story – there is a smoky fog clouding our vision and connection to our true selves. As the fog recedes, there is a mirror showing us our true selves.

“Self-domestication is the act of accepting ourselves on the condition that we live up to the ideals we have adopted from others.”

“Because we adopted an external belief, we either rejected or tried to change… so we could feel worthy of our own self-acceptance and the acceptance of others.”

“When you become attached to an object, idea, or belief, you make it part of who you think you are.”

~ He describes that voice in our heads as either the ‘parasite’ or the ‘ally’.

~ Make a commitment to unconditional self-love. Become willing to love every aspect of yourself without judgment or conditions.

“I am only responsible for the clarity and integrity of what I say – not what others hear and feel – because I don’t control others perceptions.”

“… beliefs don’t exist ‘out there’ in the world; they exist only in your mind and only as long as you continue to believe.”

“… true justice is paying for something once; injustice is paying for it over and over again.”

“If you see the world through the eyes of conditional love, you are… attempting to control others… so that they conform to the definition of who and what you think they should be.”

“… unconditional love… the engagement of equals, using knowledge and awareness to co-create a dream whose diversity reflects the free will of each individual living in this moment.”

~ Resentment: self-inflicted suffering with the emotional poison we wish for another.

"We do the best we can and release our attachment to the outcome."

~ On the need to forgive yourself: "... many people, when they look deeply at past experiences of domestication, fine that they are angry with themselves for either staying in a situation or not doing more to break free."

"Any emotional reaction you experience is yours, and not anyone else's.. it is here to teach you something about yourself." No one else is responsible for your reactions.

~ The downward spiral of emotions when you react without awareness stops the moment you surrender to the truth.

"There is a big difference between defending a belief that protects your physical well-being and a belief that simply supports a position your ego holds dear."

He includes exercises to practice awareness of domestication at work in our lives, to practice forgiveness of ourselves – an area I have personally struggled with, not seeing the real need for that, and for working through painful experiences of the past.  As I said earlier, I committed to doing the exercises even if I didn’t see immediate value in them… I found that they were extremely valuable when I practiced with an open heart and mind. Let me say here that it was not easy in that it was challenging to truly face myself and ‘own’ what is not pretty inside, to let go the chains of domestication. Damn! We even self-domesticate to keep that false feeling of security! And, it is false!

I could easily fill several more pages with quotes and key ideas that are really worth knowing. I can say that I shed many tears letting go of fears and anxiety that have held me captive for so long. The journey isn’t over with just this book – not by a long shot! It is a beginning for me, one of many beginnings.  

Awareness is the key. Period. Without it, we limit ourselves in so many ways and end up damaging relationships we hold dear, especially with ourselves.

If you are on this journey and truly want to find that solid balance of peace and happiness, I highly recommend this book.