From Fear to Fearlessness Notes

Pema Chodron – From Fear to Fearlessness

v  We all look in the wrong places to eliminate fear.

v  Three Lords of Materialism – the things that get between us and the reality of who we are.

Ø  Lord of Form

Ø  Lord of Speech

Ø  Lord of Mind

Ø  These are what we cling to

v  Ego = addiction, habits, patterns

v  Lord of Form – things we cling to or put our trust in when we are fearful

Ø  Food, drink, people

Ø  Comfort items

Ø  They always have a “hangover”

Ø  “We look for strength in what weakens us.”

v  Lord of Speech – how we use beliefs to weaken ourselves

Ø  Religious, meditation, from family

Ø  Skew our view of the world

Ø  Something you’ll do battle for

Ø  Way of concretizing

Ø  These beliefs can be stepping stones but often turn into weapons to be used on others who challenge those beliefs.

v  Lord of Mind – How we use special states of mind to limit ourselves, weaken ourselves.

Ø  Spiritual traditions

Ø  Meditation

v  Of the Three Lords, the goal is to not become attached to anything, not to cling or grasp, let life be as it is.

Ø  How we go astray

v  Trust – that we can be open to the present moment, not to an outcome.

Ø  Mindfulness is the key

Ø  “Trust is the growing confidence that the nature of things is to change, fall apart, and to become something else. And, you don’t have to freak out about it.”

Ø  Ways to develop trust:

§  Mindfulness –

·         meditation practice

·         open attentiveness

·         trust in the present moment

·         Direct experience of who we are right now and to trust that

·         Dropping all comments in the mind (they are always dualistic – good/bad, right/wrong)

·         Going for quality of experience

§  Four limitless wants, AKA the four great catalysts to growth

·         Lovingkindness (mytri)

·         Compassion

·         Joy

·         Equanimity

Ø  Causes and conditions for trust to grow (developing mind/identity)

Ø  Lovingkindness (meitri) – to place the fearful mind in the cradle of lovingkindness

§  “If you never get to know the nature of fear, you’ll never know fearlessness.”

§  Develop the mind for the happiness of others

§  Unlimited, unconditional friendliness to self

§  Requires total honesty where we don’t feel the need to protect ourselves

§  Can’t rush it – it will backfire

§  Don’t try to measure up.

§  Arouse the wish that all beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.

§  Happiness defined as dissolving ignorance of what reality truly is.

§  Suffering defined as ignorance of the true nature of reality.

§  Reality is fluid, limitless, not solid.

§  Question: Am I afraid of feeling the pain of others?

§  Compassion for self and others doesn’t happen in isolation.

Ø  Suffering – notice:

§  What words make things better?

§  What words make things worse?

§  What actions make things better?

§  What actions make things worse?

Ø  “May ______________ enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.”

§  Start with self and say as a mantra with the willingness to be open.

§  Move to close friends, those who you love.

§  Move to ‘neutrals’.

§  Move to ‘enemies’.

§  Move to whole world and universe.

§  If you are open and practice it with true willingness, you will begin to see change in outlook and relief of suffering. You will develop compassion for yourself and others.

v  Part 7 – Continuation on the 4 Catalysts

Ø  Compassion

§  Compassion involves willingness to feel pain of self and of others.

§  We fear feeling the pain of self and others

§  You can learn to let pain develop into compassion

§  Our shortcomings can be our greatest source of true compassion

·         Examples: selfishness, unyielding, unkindness

·         Catch it when it starts and it can transform into compassion.

§  These practices can lead us into dualistic thinking – they are meant to free us from rigidity but can lead to it – be careful

§  Obscuration: deficient in light; dark. Lacking clear delineation; indistinct.

§  This practice can turn pain into compassion, “turn poison into medicine”

§  “May we be free from suffering and the root of suffering.”

Ø  We all have the capacity for passion (craving), aggression, and ignorance, denial.

§  This stage is to dissolve the barriers or our own, small, protective fear (ego).

Ø  “Far enemies”

§  Polar opposites of the limitless wants.

§  Compassion/cruelty

·         Cruelty is the result or inability to feel, fear of feeling pain of who we are.

·         When others suffer it evokes coldness. It is our ‘soft spot’ being felt and shutting down around it hard.

·         Contemplate the two – polarized thinking increases suffering.

§  These practices open the heart and mind.

·         Insight comes

·         Each practice is a two-sided coin 

§  “Near enemies” of compassion

·         Pity – can be mistaken for it, but actually, you’re looking down on the other.

¨       Fear and condescension

¨       Separates us from others

¨       It’s about self and not really feeling

·         Overwhelm (“horrified anxiety”)

¨       You start to practice the mantra, you begin to feel overwhelmed and can spiral into depression.

¨       You become unable to help a friend in need or crisis – you can’t be there

¨       Don’t dwell on it – the capacity to be there will grow

Ø  Limitless Joy – rejoicing in the good fortune of others

§  Take note

§  Reflect on it

§  Let it spread out and expand

§  Opposite is resentment/envy

·         Starts with a thought

·         Moves to a constricted feeling

·         Emotions rise – sometimes crippling emotions

·         Catch it! And stay with the vulnerability of the feeling.

·         You will experience a growing appreciation for your basic goodness.

§  We become more in tune with our goodness

·         Like inner strength

·         Unshakable trust in our true nature

·         Open, spacious

·         Connect to sense of possibility

Ø  We are training to be in the present moment

§  Goal: Not to harden

§  “Would that sentient beings could calm the painful emotions.”

§  Wish joy for others!

Ø  Equanimity

§  Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.

§  A perfect, unshakable balance of mind, rooted in insight (buddhanet)

§  Lays ground for developing meitri, compassion, and joy.

§  Melts the distinction between attraction/aversion – always two sides to the same coin.

·         Hope/Fear & Attraction/Aversion are the main headings

¨       Pleasure/pain

¨       Praise/blame

¨       Gain/loss

¨       Fame/disgrace

¨       Can be caught at either end

·         Our being gets ‘frozen’ – told story of ice melting in Labrador (will winter ever end?)

·         When it melts, is it really any different than ice?

·         No matter how much we ‘freeze’, it’s very nature is the same as basic goodness

·         In the melting practice, the nature of thoughts and emotions are not that solid.

§  We develop a ‘vast mind’ – doesn’t narrow down to dualities (for/against, win/lose)

·         We get glimpses of it as we practice

§  Path quality – putting ourselves in another’s shoes

§  Kinship – we’re all in the same boat

§  Any strong emotion that arises – recognize our kinship with others

§  Notice – recognize strong attachment

§  You can overdo gentleness and meitri – can harden into attachment

§  Melt it that attachment as a stepping stone, practice compassion as you look at the person.

§  Arouse the strong wish to be open

Ø  Should compassion harden into pity, overwhelm, or sentimentality, apply JOY

§  Will turn it around

§  Reflect on the basic goodness of the person or their true nature (story of hurting child)

§  This keeps compassion open

§  Creates a sense of settledness

§  If indifference, distance, or hard edge come on, practice meitri.