Books by Thich Nhat Hanh

 After spending time with Pema Chodron, I was directed to read the writings of Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese Buddhist monk who lives in exile for refusing to take sides in the political strife that we call the Vietnam War. 

I chose these two to start - short and simple. His writings contain a depth that I had not found in the writings of others on the subject of mindfulness. Perhaps it's his experience with deep suffering and pain that makes his way different. Whatever the reason, I feel as if I truly just began my own practice of mindfulness as I read these two books.  

I found myself breathing more mindfully just reading the words, awareness rising with a consistency that I had not been able to maintain before.  Even in the middle of an energy-draining day at work, I've been able to stop and breathe.

How to Sit is a short, concise book about, well, how to sit! Here is how sitting is defined:

"To sit, in this book, means to sit in such a way that you enjoy sitting, to sit in a relaxed way, with your mind awake, calm, and clear."

Here are a few quotes I highlighted from The Miracle of Mindfulness:

"... consider the act of each step we take as an infinite wonder."

"Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child - our own two eyes. All is a miracle."

"Keep your attention focused on the work, be alert and ready to handle ably and intelligently any situation which may arise - this is mindfulness."

"... a calm heart and self control are necessary if one is to obtain good results."

"Breath is the bridge which connects life to consciousness, which unites  your body to your thoughts. Whenever your mind becomes  scattered, use your breath as the means to take hold of your mind again."

Practical and clearly written, I have never felt more grounded, more peaceful, or content with life as I have since putting into practice what I have learned from his writings. As anxiety, fear, tension arise, as they will no matter what, I can use his strategies to detach and not fall into self-reproach or codependency. 

Some of it surprised me as he presents the idea of seeing your own body as it decomposes and becomes white bones. This rather shocked me at first, but I see the point now. It's all part of the cycle of life and this physical body is only one manifestation of who we are. I am separate from my body - it's just a shell, a means to function on this earth. 

Buddhism is not incompatible with other religions - it adds a dimension that merely helps us to truly live life with a fullness that I found lacking in my past.

Anyway, I hope you'll give them a read. They both get a 5 star rating!

From Fear to Fearlessness Notes

Pema Chodron – From Fear to Fearlessness

v  We all look in the wrong places to eliminate fear.

v  Three Lords of Materialism – the things that get between us and the reality of who we are.

Ø  Lord of Form

Ø  Lord of Speech

Ø  Lord of Mind

Ø  These are what we cling to

v  Ego = addiction, habits, patterns

v  Lord of Form – things we cling to or put our trust in when we are fearful

Ø  Food, drink, people

Ø  Comfort items

Ø  They always have a “hangover”

Ø  “We look for strength in what weakens us.”

v  Lord of Speech – how we use beliefs to weaken ourselves

Ø  Religious, meditation, from family

Ø  Skew our view of the world

Ø  Something you’ll do battle for

Ø  Way of concretizing

Ø  These beliefs can be stepping stones but often turn into weapons to be used on others who challenge those beliefs.

v  Lord of Mind – How we use special states of mind to limit ourselves, weaken ourselves.

Ø  Spiritual traditions

Ø  Meditation

v  Of the Three Lords, the goal is to not become attached to anything, not to cling or grasp, let life be as it is.

Ø  How we go astray

v  Trust – that we can be open to the present moment, not to an outcome.

Ø  Mindfulness is the key

Ø  “Trust is the growing confidence that the nature of things is to change, fall apart, and to become something else. And, you don’t have to freak out about it.”

Ø  Ways to develop trust:

§  Mindfulness –

·         meditation practice

·         open attentiveness

·         trust in the present moment

·         Direct experience of who we are right now and to trust that

·         Dropping all comments in the mind (they are always dualistic – good/bad, right/wrong)

·         Going for quality of experience

§  Four limitless wants, AKA the four great catalysts to growth

·         Lovingkindness (mytri)

·         Compassion

·         Joy

·         Equanimity

Ø  Causes and conditions for trust to grow (developing mind/identity)

Ø  Lovingkindness (meitri) – to place the fearful mind in the cradle of lovingkindness

§  “If you never get to know the nature of fear, you’ll never know fearlessness.”

§  Develop the mind for the happiness of others

§  Unlimited, unconditional friendliness to self

§  Requires total honesty where we don’t feel the need to protect ourselves

§  Can’t rush it – it will backfire

§  Don’t try to measure up.

§  Arouse the wish that all beings enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.

§  Happiness defined as dissolving ignorance of what reality truly is.

§  Suffering defined as ignorance of the true nature of reality.

§  Reality is fluid, limitless, not solid.

§  Question: Am I afraid of feeling the pain of others?

§  Compassion for self and others doesn’t happen in isolation.

Ø  Suffering – notice:

§  What words make things better?

§  What words make things worse?

§  What actions make things better?

§  What actions make things worse?

Ø  “May ______________ enjoy happiness and the root of happiness.”

§  Start with self and say as a mantra with the willingness to be open.

§  Move to close friends, those who you love.

§  Move to ‘neutrals’.

§  Move to ‘enemies’.

§  Move to whole world and universe.

§  If you are open and practice it with true willingness, you will begin to see change in outlook and relief of suffering. You will develop compassion for yourself and others.

v  Part 7 – Continuation on the 4 Catalysts

Ø  Compassion

§  Compassion involves willingness to feel pain of self and of others.

§  We fear feeling the pain of self and others

§  You can learn to let pain develop into compassion

§  Our shortcomings can be our greatest source of true compassion

·         Examples: selfishness, unyielding, unkindness

·         Catch it when it starts and it can transform into compassion.

§  These practices can lead us into dualistic thinking – they are meant to free us from rigidity but can lead to it – be careful

§  Obscuration: deficient in light; dark. Lacking clear delineation; indistinct.

§  This practice can turn pain into compassion, “turn poison into medicine”

§  “May we be free from suffering and the root of suffering.”

Ø  We all have the capacity for passion (craving), aggression, and ignorance, denial.

§  This stage is to dissolve the barriers or our own, small, protective fear (ego).

Ø  “Far enemies”

§  Polar opposites of the limitless wants.

§  Compassion/cruelty

·         Cruelty is the result or inability to feel, fear of feeling pain of who we are.

·         When others suffer it evokes coldness. It is our ‘soft spot’ being felt and shutting down around it hard.

·         Contemplate the two – polarized thinking increases suffering.

§  These practices open the heart and mind.

·         Insight comes

·         Each practice is a two-sided coin 

§  “Near enemies” of compassion

·         Pity – can be mistaken for it, but actually, you’re looking down on the other.

¨       Fear and condescension

¨       Separates us from others

¨       It’s about self and not really feeling

·         Overwhelm (“horrified anxiety”)

¨       You start to practice the mantra, you begin to feel overwhelmed and can spiral into depression.

¨       You become unable to help a friend in need or crisis – you can’t be there

¨       Don’t dwell on it – the capacity to be there will grow

Ø  Limitless Joy – rejoicing in the good fortune of others

§  Take note

§  Reflect on it

§  Let it spread out and expand

§  Opposite is resentment/envy

·         Starts with a thought

·         Moves to a constricted feeling

·         Emotions rise – sometimes crippling emotions

·         Catch it! And stay with the vulnerability of the feeling.

·         You will experience a growing appreciation for your basic goodness.

§  We become more in tune with our goodness

·         Like inner strength

·         Unshakable trust in our true nature

·         Open, spacious

·         Connect to sense of possibility

Ø  We are training to be in the present moment

§  Goal: Not to harden

§  “Would that sentient beings could calm the painful emotions.”

§  Wish joy for others!

Ø  Equanimity

§  Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation.

§  A perfect, unshakable balance of mind, rooted in insight (buddhanet)

§  Lays ground for developing meitri, compassion, and joy.

§  Melts the distinction between attraction/aversion – always two sides to the same coin.

·         Hope/Fear & Attraction/Aversion are the main headings

¨       Pleasure/pain

¨       Praise/blame

¨       Gain/loss

¨       Fame/disgrace

¨       Can be caught at either end

·         Our being gets ‘frozen’ – told story of ice melting in Labrador (will winter ever end?)

·         When it melts, is it really any different than ice?

·         No matter how much we ‘freeze’, it’s very nature is the same as basic goodness

·         In the melting practice, the nature of thoughts and emotions are not that solid.

§  We develop a ‘vast mind’ – doesn’t narrow down to dualities (for/against, win/lose)

·         We get glimpses of it as we practice

§  Path quality – putting ourselves in another’s shoes

§  Kinship – we’re all in the same boat

§  Any strong emotion that arises – recognize our kinship with others

§  Notice – recognize strong attachment

§  You can overdo gentleness and meitri – can harden into attachment

§  Melt it that attachment as a stepping stone, practice compassion as you look at the person.

§  Arouse the strong wish to be open

Ø  Should compassion harden into pity, overwhelm, or sentimentality, apply JOY

§  Will turn it around

§  Reflect on the basic goodness of the person or their true nature (story of hurting child)

§  This keeps compassion open

§  Creates a sense of settledness

§  If indifference, distance, or hard edge come on, practice meitri.

The Mastery of Self - A Book Review

“The mastery of self is the only mastery that matters.”  ~ Yoda

Browsing Powell’s City of Books, I followed Liz to the section comprised of books on meditation, philosophy, and religion.  Casually scanning the selections, I was drawn to the colorful jacket of this book recognizing it as a companion to The Four Agreements, a book Chuck had read and liked (written by the author's father). The title caught my eye as well, as I’ve been on this path for a very long time yet not feeling as if I was making much progress. I wasn’t seriously considering buying it as it was pretty expensive (in my view) even though a quick look showed me that it would be a worthwhile read.  So… my wise friend quietly spoke, “Remember what Yoda says…” I knew I was being drawn to that book but was resisting… again. So, I grabbed it and made the purchase, fighting my frugal habits.

The mastery of self.  What does that really mean?

Before I begin my summation, I want to lay out the four agreements as a background:

 Be impeccable with your word.

Don’t take anything personally.

Don’t make assumptions.

Always do your best.

I committed myself to work through the exercises with openness and honesty, the goal being to change destructive habits and thought patterns in my life.  I was attracted to what looked like a practical guide as I need help applying what I have been learning. This IS one such book. 

He lays the foundation creating a picture that describes the state of humanity (one giant party where everyone is intoxicated - except you, and no one realizes it - except you) and the individual person’s journey towards lasting personal change, the challenges each of us faces and some practical applications to help on the journey.  If, and that’s a big IF, one is willing to do the hard work of working through the exercises with honesty and diligence, this guide can, indeed, be a game changer.

How do I pull out the essence of such a guide? There is far too much for this small blog post, but I’ll make an attempt to list out the highlights of my take-aways.

The list of terms and definitions at the beginning was very helpful. Some examples:

a.     Personal dream: the unique reality created by every individual; their perspective, a manifestation of the relationship between mind and body, and intent is the energy that animates both.

b.    Dream of the Planet: the manifestation of our shared intentions, where we allow our ideas and agreements to flow between us.

c.     Domestication: the system of control in the Dream of the Planet; the way we learn conditional love.

Some key ideas:

~ You become a Master of Self when you remain your Authentic Self in interacting with others and maintain the awareness that every choice you make is your own.

~ Attachment is taking something that is not part of you and making it so through emotional investment. You lose the ability to detach when the moment ends or when the belief no longer reflects the truth.

~ The Smoky Mirror shaman story – there is a smoky fog clouding our vision and connection to our true selves. As the fog recedes, there is a mirror showing us our true selves.

“Self-domestication is the act of accepting ourselves on the condition that we live up to the ideals we have adopted from others.”

“Because we adopted an external belief, we either rejected or tried to change… so we could feel worthy of our own self-acceptance and the acceptance of others.”

“When you become attached to an object, idea, or belief, you make it part of who you think you are.”

~ He describes that voice in our heads as either the ‘parasite’ or the ‘ally’.

~ Make a commitment to unconditional self-love. Become willing to love every aspect of yourself without judgment or conditions.

“I am only responsible for the clarity and integrity of what I say – not what others hear and feel – because I don’t control others perceptions.”

“… beliefs don’t exist ‘out there’ in the world; they exist only in your mind and only as long as you continue to believe.”

“… true justice is paying for something once; injustice is paying for it over and over again.”

“If you see the world through the eyes of conditional love, you are… attempting to control others… so that they conform to the definition of who and what you think they should be.”

“… unconditional love… the engagement of equals, using knowledge and awareness to co-create a dream whose diversity reflects the free will of each individual living in this moment.”

~ Resentment: self-inflicted suffering with the emotional poison we wish for another.

"We do the best we can and release our attachment to the outcome."

~ On the need to forgive yourself: "... many people, when they look deeply at past experiences of domestication, fine that they are angry with themselves for either staying in a situation or not doing more to break free."

"Any emotional reaction you experience is yours, and not anyone else's.. it is here to teach you something about yourself." No one else is responsible for your reactions.

~ The downward spiral of emotions when you react without awareness stops the moment you surrender to the truth.

"There is a big difference between defending a belief that protects your physical well-being and a belief that simply supports a position your ego holds dear."

He includes exercises to practice awareness of domestication at work in our lives, to practice forgiveness of ourselves – an area I have personally struggled with, not seeing the real need for that, and for working through painful experiences of the past.  As I said earlier, I committed to doing the exercises even if I didn’t see immediate value in them… I found that they were extremely valuable when I practiced with an open heart and mind. Let me say here that it was not easy in that it was challenging to truly face myself and ‘own’ what is not pretty inside, to let go the chains of domestication. Damn! We even self-domesticate to keep that false feeling of security! And, it is false!

I could easily fill several more pages with quotes and key ideas that are really worth knowing. I can say that I shed many tears letting go of fears and anxiety that have held me captive for so long. The journey isn’t over with just this book – not by a long shot! It is a beginning for me, one of many beginnings.  

Awareness is the key. Period. Without it, we limit ourselves in so many ways and end up damaging relationships we hold dear, especially with ourselves.

If you are on this journey and truly want to find that solid balance of peace and happiness, I highly recommend this book. 

Book Review #4

In my perpetual journey of self-discovery, self-improvement, and recovery from codependency, I recently picked up this book on my Kindle. I found much of value in first chapters of this book that described with amazing accuracy issues I am working through as well as some simple, concrete practices that help with momentary stress. This author's view takes concepts I've read from other sources - Eckhart Tolle,  Stahl & Goldstein, Pema Chodron, Mark Epstein, Tara Brach, Melody Beattie - and puts his own twist on them. Each of these has common threads of thought stemming from Buddhist philosophy, meditation, and mindfulness training that are all geared towards teaching how to truly get beyond the surface to the true self and to identify  and let go of the pain we so often cling to from past events. 

Each writer adds yet another perspective on the same concepts, all of which have value. I found Michael Singer's style to be down to earth, though rather wordy and repetitive. His ideas could be condensed down considerably rather than restating the same idea slightly different ways several times in each chapter. I didn't much care for, what I perceived as somewhat arrogant and assumptive, the occasions where he tells the reader what they 'ought to' or 'should' do and assuming that some ideas should be obvious and that we can maintain enthusiasm, joy, and love at all times, if we work hard enough. I got about 80% of the way through before I decided that I had gained all that I could from it.

Aside from the stylistic issues I did come away with some gems that are tucked away in the mental 'hopper' to add the store of wisdom and practice I so need to attain the quality of life and relationships that I want. Not to mention just knowing myself honestly...

So, here are the quotes I found the most valuable:

"It's the commotion the mind makes about life that really causes the problems."

In referring the mental chatter we have going on in our minds continually, he says that we select, unconsciously, just a few of the "myriad things that we see at any given moment, yet we only narrate a few" - the ones that matter to us. And, "with this subtle form of preprocessing, you manage to control the experience of reality so that it all fits together inside your mind."

"What you end up experiencing is really a personal presentation of the world according to you, rather than the stark, unfiltered experience of what is really out there."

"Your consciousness is actually experiencing your mental mode of reality, not reality itself."

"If you can't get the world the way you like it, you internally verbalize it, judge it, complain about it, and then decide what to do about it." 

He continues to say that we process our "current experiences in a way that makes them fit with our views of the past and visions of the future. All of this helps to create a semblance of control."

"Your inner growth is completely dependent upon the realization that the only way to find peace and contentment is to stop thinking about yourself."

"To attain true inner freedom, you must be able to objectively watch your problems instead of being lost in them."

He describes the negativity that pervades us, that constant voice as a disturbance (think disturbance in the force!) and that it's like having a roommate inside your head. He says "Basically, you're not alone in there. There are two distinct aspects of your inner being. The first is you, the awareness, the witness, the center of your willful intentions; and the other is that which you watch." 

"The part that you watch never shuts up."

"Your awareness of being is independent of the inner and outer objects you happen to be aware of."

"We are programmed based on our past impressions such that all kinds of things can cause us to open and close."

"Begin by seeing the tendency to protect and defend yourself. There is a very deep, innate tendency to close, especially around your soft spots."

"... just go about your business and put your whole being into whatever's happening, instead of putting our whole being into your personal sensitivity."

"The moment you see the energy getting imbalanced inside, the moment you see the heart starting to tense and get defensive, you just stop."

"You can just sit in the seat of consciousness and let go."

"The consciousness experiences the creation of thoughts and emotions, and it has the clarity to see where they come from."

"If these energies (negatives) capture your consciousness and all the power of awareness gets focused on them, this power actually feeds them."

"Then because your attention feeds it, it becomes infused with even more energy and draws more attention. That's how the cycle goes."

"... change is the very nature of life. If you have a lot of fear, you won't like change. You'll try to create a world around you that is predictable, controllable, and definable."

"... you utilize the mind in an attempt to manipulate life for the purpose of not feeling fear."

"Your definitions of desirable and undesirable, as well as good and bad, all come about because you have defined how things need to be in order for you to be okay."

"How did we come up with the notion that life is not okay just the way it is, or that it won't be okay the way it will be? Who said that the way life naturally unfolds is not all right?"

"That which is blocked or buried within forms the root of fear."

"You actually take a piece of your stuff, which is nothing but deeply seated disturbance from your past, and you implant it in the hearts of those around you. At some point it will come back to you."

The practical advice I came away with is this:

"The moment the energy moves and you feel your consciousness start to get drawn into it, you relax and release."

"The moment you feel a change, relax your shoulders and relax the area around your heart. The moment the energy moves, you simply relax and release."

"You don't fight the mind. In fact, you don't even try to change it. You just make a game out of relaxing in the face of its melodrama. You simply learn how to release the tendency for getting drawn into the energy. The root ti where the consciousness is aware of the pull of these energies."

"Because the tendency to get drawn in is constant. the willingness to let go and fall behind has to be constant."

"If you are sincerely seeking truth, you'll let go every time."

"When your stuff (fear) gets hit, let go right then..."

"As long as you're watching, you're not getting lost in it."

"It's pretty black and white. You either let go or you don't. There really isn't anything in between. So let all of your blockages and disturbances become the fuel for the journey."

Now, it's not like I've never heard these concepts before - I have many times, starting with the wise words of my bestie. If only I could have internalized and taken on these concepts much earlier, life would have been easier, but as I am who I am, it takes awhile to get it. This is just one more step, one more perspective to guide me along the way.