40 Questions - Part 1

1. What can I do today that I was not capable of a year ago?

A year ago, I could not accept my weakness but rejected medical help.

Today, I know and admit my weakness and am grateful for the help of modern medicine.

A year ago, I was in agony watching my best friend walk through the darkest time of her life, walking with her as best I could.

Today, she is in a much better place - able to look at the past with objectivity and less pain.

A year ago, I was bewildered and crushed at the cruel words and actions of those I had considered my family.

Today, I accept that not all who profess belief really live it.

A year ago, I couldn't imagine not being in organized religion, in a congregation.

Today, I'm grateful to not be in one.  I have taken ownership of my own faith, knowing and trusting that the L-rd will teach me and guide me.

A year ago, my world was reduced to the impossible hope of restoration with those who thought of me (and still do) as 'collateral damage' and just a follower, the 'get away driver', weak.

Today, I know who I am and am learning to accept my strengths and weaknesses without worrying about what others think of me, for I do have strengths - I do have my own vibrant faith and my own thoughts and opinions.

A year ago, I never imagined the journey of relational loss, rejection, disrespect, condescension, and struggle that was to come.

Today, I do not take relationships for granted.  I value each moment spent with those I love and am grateful for each of them.

2. What's been on your mind most lately?

supporting friends
preparing my son for the years ahead
unfairness
why?
my little world in the grand scheme of things
desire for wholeness
love
getting outside myself
living each day as if it was my last
wondering what the future holds

Most of all - trust.  Trust in the One who does know the future, the whys to all my questions.

3. Right now, at this moment, what do you want most?

Right now,  what I want most includes:

true healing of the heart for my dearest friend

freedom from my hormonal imbalances

exoneration and visitation rights for a friend

a safe place to worship and serve

purpose

maturity

4. In order of importance, how would you rank: happiness, money, love, health and fame?

Love - the greatest command and the greatest gift.

Health - I want to be healthy for myself, my friends and family.  I don't want to take it for granted.

Happiness - it's not a guarantee in this life, nor is it essential, but it helps lighten the burdens.

Money - I need it to live and would like to have enough to help those in need and to travel, but it's certainly not the most important thing.

Fame - not something I've ever thought about wanting.

5. What word best describes the last month of your life?

Struggle

6.  What is the #1 motivator in your life right now?

a desire to help

7. In one sentence, who are you?

One who wants to grow in the ability to love and strives to be balanced, and desires, above all else, to serve my G-d.

8. What do you want to be known for?

A good friend

Caring

Righteous

Kind

Helpful

Trustworthy

Reliable

Gentle

Funny

Mature

9. If you had to move 3000 miles away, what one thing would you miss the most?

Relationships - those I've grown to love more than life itself.

10. In one year from today, how do you think your life will be different?

Wow... that takes some thinking.  All I can do is say what I hope is different in a year.

I hope to be more healthy emotionally and physically, and to have my friends be healthier as well.
I hope to have even stronger ties to my dear friends and family.
I hope to have my gardens in order.
I hope to have some firm travel plans.